Bitter Sweet.

let's start this blog off right : first and foremost todays is my eighteenth birthday sooo happy birthday to me . i'm mad excited actually ; i have the greatest friends&family members who stayed up until it hit 12 in the a.m countdown was priceless loves .

alright it's actually bitter sweet for me; i've been crying since yesterday . found out that my boyfriend is talking to another female more then just friends wise :'( . i gave him my heart, body and soul. every little piece of me he had, so to get this news by my best friend was blah . i didn't wanna cry but the tears kept on building up. this isn't the first time he's done this . back in 2007 he cheated multiply times. but im the type to give second , thrid , fourth chances . he told me he changed and i took his word . it's been two years since we last spoke to each other so what was there for me to fear . . . i forgot ; it was a broken heart. my heart tells me be with him ; your still in love but my brain was like fuck that nigga don't forget what he has done to you, once a cheater always a cheater . . . damn i was an idiot and chose my heart . now im here suffering with the same wound i thought once close . now i wonder "what is love" or if it's really out there. we were talking about having a family, getting married, moving in together once i complete college. damn i planned my whole "life" with this nigga and this is how he repays me. mind you he's the overprotective jealous husband. but then he has the balls to go around and cheat but gets mad at me when im chilling with my best friends,girls, or my male friends. he gets mad at me if we can't see each when I put in the effort more than his ass to see him, but he can see the girls he's talking to and leave in the background ; on his time . . . we were suppose to last forever . " 02.14.07 & 03.20.09 doesn't matter the date because our love is ever lasting " i see it was only me ready to ride & die for him . i wanna stop crying . i'm stronger than this but when it comes down to him he's always winning. i am wifey material, why cant he see it. they say love is blind but damn nigga i'm standing right here; beside him. i thought the love we had was real and he can't seem to grasp on something so good. * im crying and cant see the freaking computer screen * . i know i deserve better , everyone tells me i do ; that i'm worth so much more... but of course i don't listen thats how deep i've falling . i'm trying soo hard to enjoy my week. just remember 032009 always&forever .

thanks to my boobies : melvin april tanya shaya steph josh regine melissa [ i.L.Y guys & for being there for me ]
special shoutout to martis : damn i just met u but your definitely a caring guy to just sit and talk to me about my problems ; i actually thank you for being there for me already . ily toooo !

P.A.I.N is one of the tattoos that i'm gonna get in the nearr futureee . means alot to me ; stands for Power.Agony.Independent.Nurture .
but martis this the "p" should stand for passionate . so it has two meanings in one . those words describes the life i've had for the 18 years i've been breathing and i'm blessed by God's grace and plan to still be living.

pictures will be uploaded throughout the day . don't worry about me ; i'll be ok . . . . . . . . . . .

- god bless .